What Happens to the Children of the Sandwich Generation When a Grandparent Needs In-Home Care

As the owner of ComForCare of Grand Rapids and a Certified Senior Advisor, I’ve had the unique privilege of walking alongside countless families as they navigate the emotional, logistical, and relational complexities of aging at home. But lately, one group has caught my attention in a profound and unexpected way: the children of the sandwich generation — or as I’ve come to call them, the “Uncrustables.”

These are the teens, young adults, and college-aged kids whose parents are managing dual responsibilities: raising children while caring for aging parents. When a grandparent begins receiving in-home care, most of the attention rightfully goes to the elder and the primary caregiver. But what’s often missed is how the youngest generation in the household is also impacted — and in ways that aren’t always visible.

Emotional Weight: Silent Struggles of the Youngest Witnesses

Children and young adults growing up in caregiving households often experience a wide spectrum of emotions. Some feel compassion, others feel stress — and many feel both at the same time.

They may witness cognitive decline, physical struggles, or even moments of intense family tension — all while trying to navigate their own academic, social, and personal development. Imagine being 18 and watching your parent break down in the kitchen after a rough caregiving shift, or helping a grandparent to the bathroom before heading to prom. These aren’t just moments; they become emotional imprints that shape how they view aging, family, and even themselves.

Several young people I’ve spoken with have shared feelings of guilt — for wanting personal space or for feeling resentment toward the situation. They often feel like they’re expected to maintain a “customer service smile,” offering emotional support without fully understanding the depth of what their family is going through.

This invisible emotional labor can be heavy, and most of them carry it without a clear outlet or support system.

Shifting Family Roles: When Kids Grow Up Too Fast

When parents step into caregiving roles, family dynamics inevitably shift. In many cases, children are asked — directly or indirectly — to step up, mature faster, or offer help. While some families grow stronger through this shared responsibility, others experience quiet strain.

For example, some young adults say they don’t feel like they can talk to their parents about their own stress or mental health challenges because “Mom and Dad already have enough on their plate.” Others find themselves adjusting college plans or delaying moving out to help “keep things together at home.”

The caregiving burden becomes a silent factor in their life choices. This leads many to start thinking about their own future differently — including how they’ll plan for their parents’ aging needs later in life.

A Gap in Support: Forgotten Caregivers in Plain Sight

One of the most consistent themes I’ve noticed is the lack of resources specifically designed for young people in caregiving households. There are support groups for adult children caregivers. There are services and respite for aging spouses. But what about the 17-year-old who helps Grandpa with his medication every morning before school?

There’s a real opportunity here for home care providers and the larger caregiving industry to acknowledge this often-overlooked demographic. These young people need space to talk about their experiences, tools to understand what’s happening in their families, and permission to care for themselves while being part of a caregiving ecosystem.

Silver Linings: Growth, Empathy, and Life Perspective

Despite the challenges, many of these “Uncrustables” also describe their experiences with surprising gratitude. They often come away with a richer understanding of family, responsibility, and what it means to show up for others.

Some develop an incredible emotional maturity — learning to be present, patient, and flexible in a way that peers outside caregiving households might not grasp. A few have even shared a kind of “karmic perspective,” believing that the care they’ve witnessed or given will somehow come back around when they need it most.

These experiences — though difficult — can forge values like empathy, resilience, and deep compassion that last a lifetime.

The Role of Home Care Agencies: We Can Do More

So what does this mean for those of us who lead home care agencies?

It means we have an opportunity — and a responsibility — to broaden our lens. When we serve families, we must consider everyone in the home, not just the client and the caregiver on record. The teenager doing homework in the next room may not be on our care plan, but they’re part of the caregiving environment.

Here are a few ways agencies can start responding:

• Ask questions about family dynamics during assessments
  Understand who else lives in the home, how caregiving is affecting them, and what emotional support might be helpful.
• Include younger family members in conversations when appropriate
  Help them feel seen, heard, and informed. A little acknowledgment goes a long way.
• Recommend age-appropriate resources or articles
  Even if it’s just pointing them to a blog post or video about caregiving and mental health, it shows you’re thinking about them too.
• Normalize the conversation
  Bring up the topic in newsletters, caregiver support calls, or family care conferences to signal that it’s OK — and common — to feel overwhelmed, even for those not “officially” in the caregiving role.

Final Thoughts

The children of the sandwich generation may not be charting blood pressure or giving sponge baths, but they are caregiving in their own way — emotionally, relationally, and sometimes physically.

They are the silent third layer in multigenerational households, absorbing stress, offering support, and forming their own beliefs about what aging and family responsibility really mean.

As an industry, we owe it to them — and to the future of caregiving — to see them clearly, support them thoughtfully, and help them thrive even as they grow up in the middle of it all.